you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
