no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
