I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
