o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize