Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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