I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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