you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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