Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
