the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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