I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
