My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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