btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
