apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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