woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
