The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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