I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
