highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
