my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
