my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
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