why do cheetos always look like penises
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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