it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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