On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
