dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
