I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
