dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
