I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
