last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Randomize
