i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
