my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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