...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Randomize
