yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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