Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
