new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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