in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
