Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
