If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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