he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
