I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
