I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
