I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
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