i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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