Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
