I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
