Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
