Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
