Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
