I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
