It's like a parade of train wrecks.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
