its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
