the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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