so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
