sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
