My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
