i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
