...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
