If that was your dad, he is hot
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
