Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
