this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize