That's when you crack a 10am beer
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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