You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
