You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
