I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
