What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize