So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
