I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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