We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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