Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think a kid would responsible me up
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
