i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
