he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
