be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize