She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
