My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
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