i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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