Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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