He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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