dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Boobs are out for the taking
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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