I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
