if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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