I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize