Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
