i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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