Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
