Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
