i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
How does one acquire holy water?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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