I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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