Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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