my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
