Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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