"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
