My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
