I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
