And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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