Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
