i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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