if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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