Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
