walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
