I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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