idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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