dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
