Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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