All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
