I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
