After last night, I could never be a politician.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
