Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
