You just made me feel so damn special
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
