blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
