So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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